its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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