Are we in a gay sports bar?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
