She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My feet surprised me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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