Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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