dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
