have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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