So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
