I bet he comes in French.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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