i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
