She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hippo gnu deer
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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