Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
