my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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