Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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