At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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