I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
