20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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