glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
