I smell stomach acid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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