I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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