those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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