Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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