Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dicks are not precious.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
