I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep