so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.