My girlfriend figured out who you are.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
