my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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