everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
