id be glad to
i barfeds in our rink
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
