I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
