I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
