i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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