I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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