Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
