We won't sleep together?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Are my feet made of real feet?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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