My friends, they love my intelligence
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
