She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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