I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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