new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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