This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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