i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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