How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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