Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
