Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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