I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
