Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
