I skipped work to stalk him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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