We won't sleep together?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
