I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
