U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
