I am in a vortex of obligation.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
