I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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