It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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