Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
