I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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