You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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