my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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