On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
