I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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