pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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