Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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