and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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