So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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