I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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