I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
