dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
