Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
