shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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