i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
