this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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