Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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