Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
