Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize