Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
