i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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