I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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