She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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